Closest..

'Hey, tell me something..' she said,' and only one thing thats really close to your heart.. closest.. can be a person also.'

And I felt happy... that somebody wanted to know.
I thought of the people that I love.... and I couldn't make up my mind... And yet I wanted to come up with something that wouldn't disappoint this person.. this person who made me happy because she wanted to know something about me.

So I thought.. of the e-mails my brother writes me.. of songs that make me happy.. of home.. my mom's cooking.. my father walking around with his glass of scotch.. a bunch of unsent letters to a teenage crush.. of late night phone conversations .. early morning scooter rides when the whole city is asleep... of just being allowed to be myself and being loved.. I went on a trip thinking.. and felt good about all the things that I held close to my heart.. and then deciding that none of my thoughts were good enough, for the 'closest thing'... I kept thinking...

I finally told her,that if I were to think of a person that I held close to my heart, there are four that I cannot choose from.. And I cannot think of a 'thing' that would ever compare to them.. I knew it wasn't an impressive answer, but atleast it was honest..

I asked her what her answer would be.. And she said, 'My dreams are the closest to my heart.. I can't pick people or things.. All my dreams are the closest to my heart..'

And I smiled, impressed... but still happy that she had asked me...

Just Friends..

They're just friends.
Even though most love songs remind him of her...

A thought..

When I was in college, I used to pray every morning.. and I had this perfect prayer worked out.. with no loopholes.. It covered everything...I prayed for 'long, happy , healthy' lives for my family, and that I would die before any of them.. And then I had one line for each of them.. Generally covering their health, what they dreamed for and wishing something nice for them. Then there were friends who needed to get placed, backs cleared, a CAT aspirant who i wished would get into IIM A, B or C or anywhere else that God thought would be perfect for him. Then for myself.. that I wouldn't get caught sleeping in class, that i wouldn't be asked any questions and generally that sessionals would go well, exams would be cleared and that I would never disappoint my parents. And after all this I'd put in a line for the 'general good of humanity'.. whatever that implied. I thought it was perfect.. my perfect prayer with no loopholes.. That if I protect the tiny world around me with prayers everything would be fine.. And I know there are times when things don't really work out and there's disappointment.. But I was better off that way.. I realize now that praying everyday is something that I learnt and left in college.. With sessionals and placements and getting caught sleeping in class and so many things to worry about, it was something I needed.. And somehow now, its taken a back seat... I have stopped praying everyday.. its sort of sad to admit this.. but I forget!.. Its as if I have settled into some complacent little routine where I've stopped worrying about things other than what to wear.. or whether the meter on the rick is showing exactly 25 rupees to get till office.. or whether I'll be able to deliver the code.. Thats it.. and none of that calls for daily prayer.. But I should still be praying for my family.. and I convince myself that my mom does enough of it to compensate for me.. So that leaves me with just once in a while emergency-prayers for when somebody wants something real bad or is worried about something.. And I don't know where this is taking me, but I've just settled into it and I cant seem to break out of it.. and its beginning to worry me.. :)